Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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