he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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