I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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