umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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