I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
