I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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