So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
be right there i have to get my cape
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
