absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
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