I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
