Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
