proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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