finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
