I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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