it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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