the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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