covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he wants to bone in the snuggie
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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