They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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