It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
