Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
