Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
