For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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