Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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