I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
