I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
