yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
