i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
