Fuck appropriateness.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
