I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
