she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
