Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
