This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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