This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
