We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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