Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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