hotel room ftw
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
