Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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