Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
