I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
