He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
