Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
