Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
