The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
