He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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