her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
