Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
