Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
