He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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