Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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