My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
