OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
