I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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