At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
