some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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