no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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