I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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