Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
