Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
