Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
