she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
