i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
