dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
