i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
