I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
