even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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