I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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