I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
