the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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