Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wear drunk well.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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