i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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