My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
