I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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