Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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