Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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