I want to make a zoo with you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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