Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
